In the beginning
I n the beginning, G-d created the Heavens and the Earth and
populated Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach. Also green,
yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and
healthy.
Then using G-d's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice
Cream
and Crispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" And Woman said, "As long as you're at
it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.
And G-d created the healthy yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that
Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from
size
6 to size 14.
So G-d said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
G-d then said, "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive
oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed it's own platter. And Man
gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
G-d then created a light, fluffy cake, named it "Angel Food Cake"
and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it
"Devil's Food."
G-d then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained
pounds.
Then G-d brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the beautiful skin and sliced
the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained
pounds.
G-d then gave lean beef so Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent
double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man
replied, "Yes! And super-size them!" And Satan said, "It is good!"
And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
Then Satan created HMOs.
Thought for the day.......
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should
be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
--Michael
alt.religion.the-last-church
